Archive for the Girl Talk Category

Stop Street Harassment

By on November 3, 2010
This entry is filed under Girl Talk and tagged , , . | 7 Comments

I stumbled onto Stop Street Harassment a bit ago, a website that chronicles not only essays about the affects of street harassment, but also horror stories of every day encounters.

The website defines street harassment as “… inappropriate, rude, scary, and insulting speech and behavior from men directed at unknown women… in public places, simply because they are female.” This includes cat-calling, whistling, sexual comments or gestures, assault, and leering.

Let’s look at some horror stories:

“Then because I didn’t say anything he screamed out, “Did you hear me?” Then he screamed, “I could just Fuck your ASS all night long.” He was screaming things to me all the way down the street until I couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he was still saying stuff.  He looked like a normal, good-looking nice guy, but he was so disgusting with his words.  It really did shake me up.” Excerpt from here.

“He got up and proceeded to lean in and maul me with his face and hands. My fighting instincts kicked in and I stood up, pushing him away. “Get the fuck away from me!” I screamed. “Don’t fucking touch me!” “What the fuck,” he slurred. “I was trying to apologize.” “Oh, that’s how you apologize? By invading someone’s space? That’s acceptable behavior to you?” I was shouting at this point, and I really didn’t care. “Well, whatever, it was a joke,” he said, coming in again to touch me.” Excerpt from here.

“I was very shaken after this. He almost got hit by a CAR, but he kept going! We were only 13 at the time. Sure, we looked older than our age, but even if we were older, that is just not appropriate at all. It did not feel good at all. We didn’t laugh. We weren’t flattered. All of a sudden, it wasn’t funny anymore. We felt threatened and uncomfortable.” Excerpt from here.

“Whatever,” you may say. “Women appreciate the attention/are asking for it/should know its harmless and all in good fun!”

  • NO ONE appreciates being dehumanized by being reduced to body parts or uses from vulgar words and gestures for another’s pure enjoyment. Saying “I wanna tap that booty!” is NOT the same level of “flattery” as saying “You an intelligent person”.
  • Whether you are 13 or 103, in sweats and a hoodie or a little black dress, walking alone at night or a with your family during the day, no one is ever asking to be harassed and should never be blamed for someone else’s wrong actions.
  • Street harassment is far from harmless. It is the reason I can’t walk my dog after sun down. It is the reason young girls feel like they have to both cover up their “shameful” bodies, but also keep them appealing to men. It is the reason millions of women feel uncomfortable, unsafe, threatened, and disgusted when simply walking to get their morning coffee.
  • Street harassment can lead to sexual assault. If someone does not have respect for your personal space, privacy, and dignity, what’s to say they’ll have respect if you say “no” or “stop”?

I know some of you may think its funny, or harmless, or a “boys will be boys” thing to yell lewd words at people or play grab-ass on the train, but its not. It’s fucking stupid and disrespectful, bottom line.

Check out Stop Street Harassment for more stories, resources for self-defense, and ways to deter and defend against street harassment.

 

The Free Drink Dilemma

By on October 20, 2010
This entry is filed under Girl Talk, Guys and tagged , , , . | 2 Comments

Ladies,

It happens to all of us. We’re out with our friends, or alone, and a guy comes up to you and says, “Hi my name is so-and-so, could I buy you a drink?”

Sometimes they are polite enough to make conversation, or even ask for your name, before offering you free liquor like you’re a 19-year-old college student. But usually they interrupt your conversation, single you out, and ask if they can buy you a drink (in some of the worse cases, they have already bought the drink).

Now before you jump down to the comments section to angrily write about how you’re doing it to be polite, or its a good way to spark a conversation, or some other excuse – please read on.

The Free Drink is a bad idea on all sides, from all angles.

Basically, we can all agree that giving someone a free drink means that person is wanting to connect with the other person on some level (sexually, in conversation, etc). This is a problem for all parties involved:

  • Ideally, women could accept a drink from a man, chat, and then move on if she so decides to without feeling pressured or obligated to sleep with him, give him her number, etc.

Unfortunately that is not usually how it goes. I cannot count the number of times myself or my friends have accepted a free drink, made polite conversation, and then were made to feel uncomfortable and awkward when the guy would not leave/began pressuring her for her number/asking if she would come to another place with him.

  • Ideally, women could reject a free drink without being called a bitch/frigid man-hater.

A real damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don’t  situation. See where the problems arise? It’s not just for us ladies, either.

  • Ideally, a man would never feel obligated to buy someone a drink just to engage them in conversation.

Yes! There are women out there who believe that a man is not worth talking to unless he brings her a free drink. Yes! That is completely fucked up. No, men, you should absolutely never be “obligated” to buy anyone anything for the sake of simple conversation.

  • Ideally, men would not be led to believe that a woman accepting a free drink is an obligation to ANYTHING.

Look, I get the argument that if you don’t want to talk to a guy/go home with him, you should not accept his free drink.

Actually no, I don’t get it at all.

When you take that free rap music demo on the street, you aren’t obligated to listen to it, or call the guy up and say he was awesome, or have tea with him.

When you’re short on change and the woman in front of you at Starbucks covers that $1.50 you aren’t obligated to sleep with her or give her your number.

So why is a drink offered to a person any different?

Because society has made it that way. By accepting “Well that’s just what a free drink means and you know that” as an appropriate reason for why women get harassed for not sleeping with Douchey McFreeAlcohol you are simply reinforcing it and making it okay.

Men, stop expecting anything because you gave a girl a free drink and she said “okay”. Don’t bitch about ladies not giving you a chance if your first interaction with them is offering them booze. Don’t feel that a drink is the only way you can talk to a stranger,

Ladies, stop accepting the drink if you don’t want to. Stop feeling obligated to anything when accepting the drink other than expressing your thanks. And please, stop being offended when a guy doesn’t buy you a drink.

And everyone – stop making a free drink a dilemma.

Dirty Diaries: Feminist Porn

By on July 7, 2010
This entry is filed under Girl Talk and tagged , , , . | 4 Comments

Via the Dirty Diaries website:

Dirty Diaries is a diverse collection of Swedish feminist porn: Hardcore action and vanilla sex, queer and straight, flashing and fucking, provocation, penetration and poetry. Orgasms and art in films for the open adult mind.

12 shorts of feminist porn, Dirty Diaries is certainly a unique presentation. What really caught my eye though, was their manifesto (and you know I’m all about the manifestos).

1. Beautiful the way we are

To hell with the sick beauty ideals! Deep self-hatred keeps a lot of women’s energy and creativity sapped. The energy that could be focused into exploring our own sexuality and power is being drained off into diets and cosmetics. Don’t let the commercial powers control your needs and desires.

2. Fight for your right to be horny

Male sexuality is seen as a force of nature that has to be satisfied at all costs while women’s sexuality is accepted only if it adapts to men’s needs. Be horny on your own terms.

3. A good girl is a bad girl

We are fed up with the cultural cliché that sexually active and independent women are either crazy or lesbian and therefore crazy. We want to see and make movies where Betty Blue, Ophelia and Thelma & Louise don’t have to die in the end.

4. Smash capitalism and patriarchy

The porn industry is sexist because we live in a patriarchal capitalist society. It makes profit out of people’s needs for sex and erotica and women get exploited in the process. To fight sexist porn you have to smash capitalism and patriarchy.

5. As nasty as we wanna be

Enjoy, take charge or let go. Say NO when you want, to be able to say YES when YOU want.

6. Legal and free abortion is a human right!

Everyone has the right to control their own body. Millions of women suffer from unwanted pregnancies and die from illegal abortions every year. Fuck the moral right for preaching against birth control and sex information.

7. Fight the real enemy!

Censorship cannot liberate sexuality. It is impossible to change the image of women’s sexuality if sexual images in themselves are taboo. Don’t attack women for displaying sex. Attack sexism for trying to control our sexuality.

8. Stay Queer

A lot of opposition to erotica is homophobic and even more transphobic. We don’t believe in the fight between the sexes but in the fight against sexes. Identify as any gender you want and make love to whoever you want. Sexuality is diverse.

9. Use Protection

“I’m not saying go out an’ do it, but if you do, strap it up before you smack it up.” (Missy Elliot)

10. Do it yourself

Erotica is good and we need it. We truly believe that it is possible to create an alternative to the mainstream porn industry by making sexy films we like.

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Wouldn’t the world be a little more awesome if we all took a page from the Dirty Diaries Manifesto? I sure think so.

You can check out Dirty Diaries, their manifesto, and more here.

Obese Women Have Less Sex, More Unplanned Pregnancies

By on June 17, 2010
This entry is filed under Girl Talk and tagged , , , . | 2 Comments

According to a new study released by the British Medical Journal, obese women (with a BMI of 30 or higher) have less sex, but more unplanned pregnancies.

Not only that, but the study found that obese women are less likely to use consistent real contraceptives such as the Pill, and more likely to use less reliable methods, such as withdrawl.

It’s not just obese women either – also obese men. The study showed that obese men were 10 times more likely to catch an STD than those who are not obese.

What’s the correlation between body size and pregnancy rate? More importantly, why did CBS choose this picture for the article?

Some sort of yoga pose? A strong gust of wind? WHY?

Ladies of any size, remember that doctors are a wealth of information, and when you see yours, please ask about birth control, even if you aren’t sexually active.

Resources:
Planned Parenthood

Having a baby? Don’t go to Oklahoma.

By on April 28, 2010
This entry is filed under Girl Talk, News and tagged , , , , , . | 12 Comments

Hey, if you’re planning on being pregnant in Oklahoma sometime in your future, don’t.

Oklahoma has placed tighter restrictions on abortions, including requiring an ultrasound. This is nothing new as a few other states have done this, and while I don’t agree, that’s a topic better left to The Hating Expert.

What is absolutely disgusting is another ‘abortion restriction’ put into law that doesn’t just affect those seeking an abortion, but those who are pregnant and having a child.

The second measure passed into law Tuesday protects doctors from malpractice suits if they decide not to inform the parents of a unborn baby that the fetus has birth defects. The intent of the bill is to prevent parents from later suing doctors who withhold information to try to influence them against having an abortion.

That’s right sweet hearts, doctors can now withhold crucial information from you, and you can’t do shit about it.

Since explicitly saying that doctors can withhold information from a patient if it conflicts with their moral or religious views is obviously illegal and wrong (but somehow okay for pharmacists?), Oklahoma law makers decided to simply protect the choice of a doctor should they choose to withhold information. Notice how pregnant women have no right to choose, but other people can choose what goes on with our bodies? Hmm.

But abortion aside, if I were a pregnant woman wanting to start a family, I would be terrified of this, and extremely pressured to lie and say that I thought abortion was wrong just so I could receive the truth. More realistically, I would just move out of Oklahoma, because who wants to live somewhere where doctors are free to lie?

I also don’t think these lawmakers understand how dangerous it is for the mother not to know about severe birth defects ahead of time. There is an immense amount of preparation needed for children with birth defects, heart problems, and diseases. Arranging health insurance ahead of time can save your child from being dropped from coverage as soon as its born. Gathering the right tools and medicine, and proofing your home is vital to carrying for certain ailments and defects.

On the bright side, I do have faith have there is only a minority of doctors who would be so dishonest, disgusting, and vile as to lie to pregnant women. Though I have no connections to Oklahoma other than sharing a country with it, I hope any readers who do live in Oklahoma take a stand against this, and even more so, look out for their safety and their child’s by finding a trustworthy doctor.

At the time of this posting, I can’t find any groups or petitions against this law that people can actively partake in. If you know of one, please let me know.

Let’s Cause An Earthquake

By on April 23, 2010
This entry is filed under Girl Talk and tagged , , , . | 8 Comments

So, did you hear that the cause of earthquakes is promiscuous women? Yeah, fuck science.

A prayer leader in Tehran named Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi announced, following the recent earthquake that hit Iran,

Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes.

That’s right, boobs cause earthquakes.

And Jen McCreight is proposing we test Mr. Sedighi’s theory out.

On her blog “Blag Hag”, McCreight calls for women around the world to wear their most ‘immodest’ clothing on Monday, April 26th in an attempt to cause Boobquake. She clarifies that by immodest, she doesn’t necessarily mean cleavage-bearing, panty-flashing clothes, but whatever you feel comfortable in.

There’s a Facebook group for the event, with (at the time of this posting) over 75,000 confirmed attending. So, it’s kind of a big deal I guess.

Do it or don’t, I’m officially a fan of Blag Hag for challenging Sedighi’s ridiculous sexist claims.

And if you feel that her proposal is demeaning/slutty/terrible/anti-feminist/stupid, please read her lengthy (but worth-while) response to your claims here.

Blaming The ‘Other Woman’

By on April 15, 2010
This entry is filed under Commentary, Girl Talk and tagged , , , , . | 2 Comments

Recently, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee (the woman Jesse James, Sandra Bullock’s husband, had an affair with) stopped posing with swatiskas to say:

“I want to say the rest of the country, ‘Stop taking it out on the mistresses and start taking it out on the men who are cheating on their wives.’ Why are these men getting off scott-free when the mistresses are considered whore and we’re stepped on and we’re booed and we’re called nasty names?”

Okay, well let’s break this down into two parts: She’s kind of wrong, and kind of right.

On one hand, no, we should not stop ‘taking it out’ on the mistresses. Affairs involve two people, and when both are very aware of the affair, its both their faults. Also, men are not getting off scott-free. Jesse James and Tiger Woods’ images have been tarnished, definitely, but the difference is this: the other woman is usually a ‘nobody’, only famous for sleeping with a married man, while in most cases (Clinton, Spitzer, Woods) the man already has a prominent career and can continue on working in the spotlight. This is why the women are called nasty names, what can we redeem her for when her life was insignifacant to us beforehand? The men’s indiscretions can be pushed aside in favour of what they were famous for in the first place.

But McGee does make a huge point-too often, in and out of the tabloids, we place a huge amount of blame on the other woman. We place the labels of ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ on women who had sex with a man who happened to be married. Is it the woman’s fault that the man sought after another woman? Did the woman lure him into her vagina with magic spells and withchery? No. By immediately attacking the other woman and labeling her a dirty whore, we are only reinforcing the disgusting stereotype that men cannot control themselves and it’s the temptation women purposefully provide that cause them to commit infidelities.

She makes the point that society goes along with the boys will be boys notion, expecting women to hold the control of what a man chooses to do. Since the Tiger Woods’ affair, I’ve heard many, many people say, ‘Who cares? He’s good at golf, a lot of men cheat on their wives and its not my business‘. But I haven’t heard a single, ‘Who cares? Michelle McGee is someone I don’t know and its not my business’. These same people who have justified Tiger’s actions are also the same people who turn and call women sluts. Double standards much?

Sure, its pretty unethical to sleep with an attached dude, but she didn’t take the wedding vows, what responsibility does she have to respect them? Why is it that when men cheat, its labeled as ‘sex addiction’, but when a woman does it, it is her just being a whore?

No doubt, boning a married guy is what most would deem whorish, but has our society tipped the scales too far in favour of forgiving the man? Afterall, he was who made the ultimate decision to cheat. What do you think? Sound off in the comments, Twitter, or on Facebook.

[Note: This post is only in regards to the recent splash of cheating men in the news. Before any of you jump down my throat, I am very aware that women also cheat.]
[Note 2: I am also very aware that McGee's argument is a little hypocritical, as she ran to the media to tell all about the affair and is now unhappy with the response she has gotten.]

30 Things: Hey, It’s Okay!

By on April 10, 2010
This entry is filed under Girl Talk, Lists and tagged . | 1 Comment

30 things that are a-okay…

1. Using “you’re only young once” as an excuse to go out on a Wednesday.

2. Not wanting to tell your parents who you voted for.

3. Ordering a third drink just because the bartender is cute.

4. Calling a friend out when they’re lieing to you.

5. Immediately de-friending your BFF’s ex-boyfriend as soon as they break up because you never liked him anyway.

6. Not wanting to expand your musical tastes outside of Lady GaGa.

7. Staying home on a Friday night to marathon-watch Sex and the City.

8. To think “I’m waaay prettier than her” when you see your boyfriend’s ex.

9. Staying up until sunrise just because.

10. Saying no to a restaurant because it’s too expensive.

11. Thinking someone is cute, even though they’re a giant ass.

12. De-tagging photos of yourself on Facebook that you look like crap in.

13. Saying no to a second date because he left a horrible tip.

14. Admitting that your only consistent news source is John Stewart’s “The Daily Show”.

15. Having zero interest in Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter because hey, who needs the extra distractions?

16. Totally loving Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter for all the extra distractions.

17. Laying around and accomplishing nothing on your day off.

18. Cutting out of the gym 30 minutes early because damnit, you’re tired.

19. To never want to have children.

20.To look back on silly, drunken teenage years with giggles instead of shame.

21. Wearing the same outfit Friday and Saturday night because you’re seeing different friends.

22. Wearing Uggs and forgetting the haters.

23.  Pretending to text when you walk by someone you vaguely know and don’t want to talk to.

24. Eating pizza 3 nights in a row because you’re overworked.

25. Putting your hands in the air when Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ comes on despite not being single.

26. Occasionally indulging in one of the seven sins. Lust, gluttony, sloth!

27. Only buying magazines for the pretty pictures.

28. Thinking that MAC make-up isn’t worth that much money.

29. Not getting cable television, or a television at all.

30. Doing things that make you happy and harm no one, regardless that anyone else thinks its lame.

[Note: the "Hey, it's OK!" section in Glamour magazine is my favourite thing ever, so here's a sweet lil tribute.]

Girl Talk: Size Issues

By on February 25, 2010
This entry is filed under Girl Talk and tagged , , , , , , . | 10 Comments

Ladies, ladies. As if the size of our hips or the cellulite on our thighs isn’t enough for us to worry about, apparently the rest of the world has to get involved with it too. It used to be asking a woman’s weight was as offensive as asking her age, but today the weight of anyone in the spotlight is broadcasted on tabloid magazines. Models are scrutinized by employers for having an extra inch on their waist, while the public labels them anorexic. Curvy bodies are ogled by men, while other women point out the stretch marks and fat. It’s a bit ridiculous, right?

I know there are revolutions with size-acceptance happening. London Fashion Week filled the runways with size 12+ models, while V magazine featured entire layouts of plus size girls. Christina Hendricks herself has done a world of change for the curvy girls out there, turning heads away from petite Victoria Beckham over to an hourglass figure.

While I embrace these long overdue changes, there are still many problems facing women and their weights. Its other women.

Yes, the tables are turning. Being a size 12 doesn’t disqualify you from magazine covers anymore, and extra curves are idolized on television and off. But we cannot use this as an excuse to continue putting down other sizes. I know, we’ve all been sick of seeing every media outlet strutting women around with a size 2 waist and putting the size 14 girl in the corner. But that’s doesn’t mean it is appropriate to put down the skinny girls.

  • Recently news has been throwing around the term “real women” in reference to plus size girls in fashion. I’m sorry, but because I am skinny, I am suddenly not a real woman? What does that even mean? I’m some sort of robotic skeleton? A mythical unicorn? This term is both ridiculous and demeaning. Stop isolating girls who are small. How about they all walk the runway and they’re all real women?
  • America Ferrera, star of (recently canceled) Ugly Betty, said in an interview about her size, “We’re not all a size 2 and we’re not all a size 0, and you know what? That’s OK, because some of us like to eat!” I didn’t know that if you ate food you can’t be a size 2. I’ll put down my fork because I guess that’s impossible. I forgot smaller girls hate eating because they are all anorexic and also robot skeletons. Thanks for being so insulting and making a generalized and ignorant statement, Ferrera.
  • Gina Torres, who is voicing the character of Super Woman in an upcoming action film, had this to say about size: “There aren’t really any skinny bitches in the world of comic books, they’ve got muscle.” Skinny bitches? Okay, well maybe she was using the phrase in jest. But then she goes on to say, “What I love about superheroes is that in that comics world they’re all curvaceous. They’re strong. And it’s important to have strong images of women out there, women who aren’t afraid of expressing themselves, women who aren’t afraid of taking chances, women who aren’t afraid of their own power.”
  • I have to continue this on an entirely new bullet point because WHAAAAAT??? Number 1, have you SEEN what women in comic books look like? They are far from realistic. They are on occasion portrayed with muscle (She-Hulk), but in general all the ladies from X-Men, the Fantastic 4, and Justice League all have 00 waists and double D boobs. Secondly, since when does being strong require you to have curves? Sure, the image of a model doesn’t exactly scream “I can lift a truck”, but it doesn’t mean they’re weak. I guess to Torres, ‘skinny bitches’ simply are afraid of expressing themselves and taking chances because they don’t have muscles (and giant boobs).

Wow, that was a rant. But it’s true. Really, the hate needs to stop. Not only do we have to deal with men criticizing our every inch of body, but now women too? Just quit it. It’s wrong, hurtful, and does NOTHING to help the overall size revolution. Let’s just appreciate each other, no matter what size, okay ladies?