Archive for the Lists Category

3 Lessons I Learned In Minnesota

By on June 6, 2011
This entry is filed under Lists and tagged .

I went to Minnesota this past week. Here are some lessons I learned.

1. I am more afraid of bugs than they are of me.
The expressions parents use when their kid is scared of a tiny bug is, “they are more afraid of you than you are of them”. This is supposed to make the child feel better, or something. Well let me tell you, Minnesota bugs have no fear. They have the opposite of fear, which is ram-into-Tegan’s-face-over-and-over.
2. Airport time is not the same as real time.
When they tell you they can bump you up to another flight and that your already-checked-in bags will be right behind you, don’t believe them. The only bags you will receive are bags of LIES.

3. Riding a mechanical bull is awesome.
Seriously people, do it.

 

PS. I was locked out of my blog for awhile. If you had liked me on Facebook or added me on Twitter, you would have known this. Hint, hint.

Honest New Year’s Resolutions

By on December 29, 2010
This entry is filed under Lists, parody and tagged , . | 4 Comments

New Year’s Eve is near, and with it comes thousands of people picking themselves up from the gloominess the holidays often leave us. “A New Year!” They exclaim, “A chance to better myself!”

Let’s be real. We more enjoy the idea of bettering ourselves than the actual process, and we certainly enjoy making resolutions and looking at the prospect of becoming a better person and creating a better life.

By March, most of us can’t even remember what our resolutions were.

This year, let’s just write our resolutions honestly.

“Lose 15 pounds”
“Get a gym membership and go for a month. See no progress, give up and go back to being comfortable with my body until the holidays.”

“Call my parents twice a week.”
“Call my parents twice a week for two weeks until I remember why I never called them that much in the first place.”

“Save money from every paycheck and put it toward a new car.”
“Save money from every paycheck, put it toward booze when friends come into town.”

“Eat healthy.”
“Spend time researching what ‘eating healthy’ is. Don’t entirely understand if cheez-its are all that non-healthy. Cut out McDonald’s, substitute it with cheez-its.”

“Spend more time with my friends.”
“Call friends to hang out, discuss how you all share the goal to hang out more. After a month, realize that life is busy, but appreciate the effort.”

“Blog more.”
“Blog a bunch in January until winter break is over. Pick it up again in the summer.”

“Stop procrastinating.”
“Find more creative ways to procrastinate so it doesn’t feel like I am.”

“Do one good thing a day.”
“Have extremely loose regulations on what a “good thing” is considered. Staying in bed all day and eating chips counts as a good thing, right?”

“Quit smoking.”
“Quit smoking so damn much.”

“Go to church every Sunday.”
“Go to church for a few Sundays. Realize not much has changed since every Sunday you were forced to go as a kid. Buy a bible as a sufficient substitute for church every week. Feel satisfied with this alternative.”

“Get organized.”
“Buy one of those snazzy planners from Borders. Attempt to organize life. Realize you can only control so much, and that you understand your own chaos. Forget about snazzy planner.”

How To Sign Up For College Classes

By on July 16, 2010
This entry is filed under Lists and tagged . | 2 Comments

It’s that time of year again: picking out classes for the next semester of college.

Step 1: Pick out the classes you like and want to take.

Step 2: Discover that almost all the classes you like are either filled up, won’t fit into your schedule, or aren’t required for your degree.

Step 3: Pick out classes you only sort-of like.

Step 4: Sign up for classes.

Step 5: Have one thing go wrong. Re-do entire schedule.

Step 6: Sign up for classes.

Step 7: Have a blissful 3 weeks of a semi-perfect schedule ready. Right before classes start, discover some have been canceled due to lack of enrollment, or because God hates you.

Step 8: Scream.

Step 9: Desperately attempt to re-arrange your school schedule to coincide with your work schedule, your degree track, outside obligations, and attempts at sleeping at least 5 hours a night.

Step 10: Fail miserably and spend the semester balancing second-choice classes and a crippling social life.

You can see the rest of Dr. Sangfroid’s college advice here, here, here, and here.

Top 5 Tuesday: Deal Breakers

By on April 13, 2010
This entry is filed under Lists and tagged , . | 1 Comment

Welcome to Top 5 Tuesday, where Dr. Sangfroid lets you all know about 5 cool(?) things.

This week’s top 5: Dating Deal Breakers!

"That's a deal-breaker, ladies!" Thanks Liz Lemon.

1. You post pictures of your penis on Craigslist.
You physically took your camera, pointed it at your crotch, uploaded it to your computer, and posted it on the internet, and did not get paid for it. What?

2. You’re hitting on me and my friend awkwardly, trying to subtly initiate a threesome.
Come on. We’re drunk, not stupid. Adding, ‘and then you guys can make out!’ to the end of every sentence will not entice us.

3. You do ‘magic tricks’ for me.
No I will not go on a second date with you if you guess my card. All your magic can do is make me disappear.

4. You have to interrupt our date to make a sale.
A sale of cocaine to some homeless people behind the Applebees.

5. You carry a roast beef sandwich in your pocket.
True story.

30 Things: Hey, It’s Okay!

By on April 10, 2010
This entry is filed under Girl Talk, Lists and tagged . | 1 Comment

30 things that are a-okay…

1. Using “you’re only young once” as an excuse to go out on a Wednesday.

2. Not wanting to tell your parents who you voted for.

3. Ordering a third drink just because the bartender is cute.

4. Calling a friend out when they’re lieing to you.

5. Immediately de-friending your BFF’s ex-boyfriend as soon as they break up because you never liked him anyway.

6. Not wanting to expand your musical tastes outside of Lady GaGa.

7. Staying home on a Friday night to marathon-watch Sex and the City.

8. To think “I’m waaay prettier than her” when you see your boyfriend’s ex.

9. Staying up until sunrise just because.

10. Saying no to a restaurant because it’s too expensive.

11. Thinking someone is cute, even though they’re a giant ass.

12. De-tagging photos of yourself on Facebook that you look like crap in.

13. Saying no to a second date because he left a horrible tip.

14. Admitting that your only consistent news source is John Stewart’s “The Daily Show”.

15. Having zero interest in Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter because hey, who needs the extra distractions?

16. Totally loving Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter for all the extra distractions.

17. Laying around and accomplishing nothing on your day off.

18. Cutting out of the gym 30 minutes early because damnit, you’re tired.

19. To never want to have children.

20.To look back on silly, drunken teenage years with giggles instead of shame.

21. Wearing the same outfit Friday and Saturday night because you’re seeing different friends.

22. Wearing Uggs and forgetting the haters.

23.  Pretending to text when you walk by someone you vaguely know and don’t want to talk to.

24. Eating pizza 3 nights in a row because you’re overworked.

25. Putting your hands in the air when Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ comes on despite not being single.

26. Occasionally indulging in one of the seven sins. Lust, gluttony, sloth!

27. Only buying magazines for the pretty pictures.

28. Thinking that MAC make-up isn’t worth that much money.

29. Not getting cable television, or a television at all.

30. Doing things that make you happy and harm no one, regardless that anyone else thinks its lame.

[Note: the "Hey, it's OK!" section in Glamour magazine is my favourite thing ever, so here's a sweet lil tribute.]

Top 5 Tuesday

By on April 6, 2010
This entry is filed under Internet, Lists and tagged , , , , . | 2 Comments

Welcome to Top 5 Tuesday, where Dr. Sangfroid let’s you all know about 5 cool(?) things.

This week’s top 5: ThinkGeek Items

The Staple-Free Stapler
Not exactly a new invention, but it gets into the top 5 because I EFFING HATE STAPLERS. I always mess them up, the staples get jammed, and one time in 5th grade I stapled by finger. Also these are shaped like dogs and cats, which is cute.

Star Trek Webcam

Regular webcams are kind of ugly, and if you’re secretly trying to record someone, very obvious. For the people who want their computer to be functional and chic (and for the stalkers of the world), there’s the Enterprise webcam.

Universal Gadget Wrist Charger

This handy device is a road-trip life saver. Plug in your PSP, iPhone, Nintendo DS, or phone and avoid a dead battery. No longer will you fear having to listen to your parents for 200 miles once your iPod dies.

Periodic Table Shower Curtain

Essentially useless, but also essentially awesome.

Cocktail Chemistry Set

Live out your dreams of being a suave bartending scientist! I know I will.

Click on any of the pictures to be taken to the item, or go directly to ThinkGeek.com!

What’s In The New Health Care Reform Bill?

By on March 23, 2010
This entry is filed under Lists, News and tagged , , , . | 58 Comments

Love it or hate it, the health care reform bill was passed in the house last night. What does it entail for us exactly? Well, some parts take effect immediately, while others won’t until 2014. Take a look at what’s in it:

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:

  • No more lifetime/annual caps. This means that if you’re really sick, like cancer or HIV, your insurance company cannot deny you more coverage once they’ve already covered a certain dollar amount.
  • Children under 19 cannot be denied coverage for a pre-existing condition.
  • If you are under 26 and labeled as a DEPENDENT by your parents, you will be able to stay on their coverage regardless of if you’re in school. This doesn’t mean that just being 26 and having parents that are covered gets you covered. You must be filed in their taxes as a dependent.
  • More money for old people. $250 a month will be given to certain senior citizens to help them pay for prescription medicine. This will not carry over the years because the new bill will cut the costs of prescriptions drugs down entirely.
  • Insurance companies can no longer drop you when you get sick. Before, insurance companies could drop you from their plan if you got very ill (cancer, HIV, lupus, etc) on the basis that you would be too much of a risk/too expensive. They can no longer do this.
  • Early funding is being provided to form community health centers. These will include medical, dental, and vision for people in communities (rather than visiting a busy hospital, or going around to multiple specialists).
  • Tanning beds will now be taxed. While you aren’t being taxed for it, the companies that provide the beds will be, which in effect will likely raise the cost of tanning beds. The sun is still free!
  • Free preventative care. This includes things like breast and cervical cancer screenings.

EFFECTIVE OVER THE YEARS/2014:

  • Mandated Coverage. Ya gotta buy it, folks. However this will be subsidized for poorer people and families.
  • Medicaid will be expanded.
  • Tax credits will be given to families to help offset the cost of health care premiums. The tax incentives include tax breaks for families which vaccinate their children and for adults who go to scheduled annual appointments (this is all I could gather from the news, if anyone knows further please let me know.)
  • The deficit is expected to be reduced by $43 million over the first ten years. These numbers are only projected though.
  • Coverage would be expanded to the 32 million currently uninsured people.
  • Illegal immigrants will still not eligible to be covered by Medicaid.
  • Help for those with pre-existing conditions. Millions of Americans are denied full or partial health care because of a pre-existing condition. A pre-existing condition does not always mean born with it, but if you had cancer before you got insurance, an insurance company can label cancer as pre-existing and deny you coverage. But not anymore. Note that insurance will, in 2014, cost more for people with a pre-existing condition. However you cannot be denied coverage because of it.

What about all that abortion stuff? Do I have to pay for other people’s abortions? Will I still be able to get one?

  • No, and yes. An amendment was made yesterday to guarantee that federal funds would not be used in abortion coverage costs. However individuals will have the opportunity to pay extra for a plan that would cover abortions.
  • Federal funding will cover abortions only in cases of rape, incest, or health of the mother.

Understand? Good! On both the pro and con sides there’s been a lot of confusion about what this bill entails.  I want to remind all my readers: Don’t be a dick about this. Whether you’re pro or con, hateful, mean, bigoted or rude comments will not be tolerated and will get you banned. Speculation, emotional reactions, and supported arguments are WELCOME, but be respectful.

[Sources: First Coast News, Health Reform, Yahoo!, Washington Post, CBS News, CNN]

[Note: All comments have delayed posting as they must be approved first, and I sleep a lot.]

10 More Types of People You Meet in College

By on March 2, 2010
This entry is filed under Lists, parody and tagged , , , , . | 14 Comments

This post is a continuation of the 10 types of people you meet in college, posted last July.


10. Stupid Catch Phrase Guy
“My hands are wet” “That’s what she said!” “What?” “Lulz”. Stupid Catch Phrase Guy usually isn’t very bright or charismatic, and doesn’t even have much of a personality, but that’s okay because he can easily cover all that up with internet memes and tired jokes. He usually spends his day trolling web forums, making funny cat pictures in MS Paint, and watching reruns of Family Guy. On Facebook, SCPG often has nothing insightful to contribute to conversations, so he only says “epic”, “win”, “fail” or “FML”.

9. The Double Minor Guy
College? Sure, I guess. This is the mentality of Double Minor Guy. He did OK in high school, and decided that a university was probably the next step. He thinks philosophy and 17th century French literature is cool, so he chooses them as minors. 8 years later DMG is pretty satisfied with his decision, despite that his credits indicate he’s still a college sophomore. He’s OK with mediocrity and under-achievement, and will likely go on to work a weird job unrelated to both his minors, such as professional circus clown, or strawberry organizer.

8. The Geek Chic Girl
Hanging out in the computer lab or library, Geek Chic Girl is easily recognizable by her decorated MAC laptop, thick framed designer glasses, geeky shirt, and collection of Palahniuk and Vonnegut literature. GCG is a self-proclaimed nerd, totally obsessed with like, computers and comics and stuff! However in actuality, GCG’s only comic-world knowledge comes from the X-Men movies, and she can’t tell the difference between Firefox and Chrome. GCG craves attention, and will flaunt how ‘unique’ it is for a GIRL to know about Schrodinger’s Cat.

7. Awesome Asian Guy
Awesome Asian Guy is a unique breed of student. Often raised in a strict environment, he has spent his past 18 years balancing the workload of AP classes while being a pretty cool guy and maintaining a nice social life. Released into freedom at college, he is now an expert at balancing classes and parties. AAG is awesome because his idea of pre-gaming is taking a shot of Bacardi for every finished essay paragraph. AAG makes not only the ideal lab partner for his relaxed but smart nature, but also the perfect beer pong partner for the same reasons.

6. Absolutely Crazy Girl
She’s at every sorority mixer, football game, and ABC party. She’s got over 500 tagged photos of herself on Facebook, and about as much gossip written about her on The Dirty. She’s absolutely crazy girl, and goddamn, can she party. Beer bongs? Child’s play. 3 day drinking binge while making a cross-state road trip? Sure! Flash the bartender for a free drink? Is there any other way? ACG is crazy (crazy fun? crazy alcoholic? you decide) and doesn’t care who knows it. She came to college for 1 reason, to have the time of her life, and no liver failure is going to stop her! ACG can often be found on a bathroom floor, mumbling something about being glad she wore underwear this time.

5. The Bitter Guy
Negative Nancy’s best friend, The Bitter Guy, can be found sulking in his dorm room listening to Death Cab For Cutie and playing Everquest. Bitter Guy is angry at the world. Angry that he only got to be 5’6″, angry that his favourite jeans ripped, angry that the people next door are having so much fun and he’s not. Bitter Guy hates the world for all it has not given him, and often has an egotistical I-Deserve attitude toward life. When he isn’t bitching about life on his Twitter, he can be found reluctantly going to parties only to stand in the corner and moan about how its unfair that jerks always get girls and the Nice Guys don’t. Bitter Guy either ends up realizing life ain’t so bad, or dieing alone.

4. The Girl Who Can’t Get Past High School
Make no mistake, this girl easily got accepted to college, however her mindset has not adjusted since the sophomore year. Still focused on gossip, what other people are wearing, and who made the football/cheer team, this girl doesn’t seem to realize that once she leaves her tiny high school community, no one cares about her shallow fixations. People are often turned off by her neediness to constantly judge others and her endless stories about what so-and-so was like in high school. Eventually GWCGPHS will realize that there is more to life than he-said she-said talks, and will live a normal college life.

3. The Debater
The Debater is absolutely convinced his beliefs are right, and is happy to tell you what he thinks rather than explain or discuss. The Debater will take -any- opportunity to voice his opinions and eagerly wait for someone to dare to say contrary. The Debater can often be found at his computer, furiously typing message board posts to demean the 13-year-old kid in Canada who thinks Wolverine could beat Batman. The Debater will come to sad realization one day when someone finally says, “Dude, no one cares.”

2. The Never Too Old To Learn Lady
After 30 years, she’s finally going back to get her degree, but the problem is she doesn’t realize how much has changed. Armed with years of experience in odd-jobs and family raising, NTOTLL is eager to learn. Often extremely nice and respectful, she makes acquaintances easily, who unfortunately end up spending much of their class time helping her open up Microsoft Word or showing her how to send an email.

1. Totally Average Guy/Girl
Taking up the majority of college campuses, your averages Joes and Janes go through life on exceedingly average paths, crossing in and out of the lives the other 19 college stereotypes. While not the most memorable, the Averages are usually happy, content, reasonably smart, and at least moderately successful. Maybe not quite what everyone aspires to be, but certainly nothing to frown at!

Be sure to check out the original 10 types of people you meet in college!

Note: Please bare in mind these stereotypes are for fun, and not meant to be offensive or taken seriously.

The America’s Next Top Model Drinking Game

By on November 17, 2009
This entry is filed under Lists and tagged , , , , , , . | 5 Comments

After Cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model it became painfully obvious that the show was pretty easy to figure out. Did this stop me from watching it? Hell no. I can’t go without my weekly dose of crazy Tyra Banks. As any college student knows, the way to make something more interesting is to just add alcohol. My friend Meghan invented the America’s Next Top Model drinking game, perfect for any girl’s night in:

Take one drink if:
-Tyra says something crazy
-Tyra says something about Tyra
-A girl calls another “bitch”
-A girl says the word “ghetto”
-Girl trips on the runway
-Tyra says to “smile with your eyes”
-Girl cries about how hard life is for her
-Miss Jay rolls his eyes back and gasps
-Accidental racist remark made by a white girl
-Janice makes a disgusted face (note that yes, Janice’s face is always disgusting, but you know what we mean)
-The word “fierce” is said
-Someone claims “This is my dream!”
-A girl is criticized as being “too commercial”

Take two drinks if:
-Tyra says something about the “dark side of modeling” or the “ugly side of fashion”
-Previews show something crazy happening but it’s just a trick
-Girl mentions her baby at home
-Girl accidentally comes out about her sexual orientation
-Miss Jay/Mr. Jay make awkward gay advances/flirting on straight men
-Girl stars a sentence with “In my country…”
-Girl tries to explain herself by repeating the same words over and over
-Girl says “I’m not here to make friends”

Finish drink if:
-Tyra fakes an injury/illness as a way of tricking the girls into learning something new (aspect of modeling, upcoming trip, impending photo shoot theme, etc.)
-Girl comes down with a mysterious illness before a major photo shoot.

Have fun, and drink responsibly!

The Worst Reality TV Shows Ever

By on September 30, 2009
This entry is filed under Lists and tagged , , , , , , , . | 6 Comments

Originally published in the Paradise Valley College newspaper Oct/09

For some reason, America has a very voyeuristic obsession with Reality TV shows. From the beginnings with Survivor and The Real World, to 2009 where entire channels are dedicated to providing 24-hour non-stop reality television, Reality TV has evolved from being an entertaining pastime into a grossly obsessive world of people clambering to look into another person’s tragic, embarrassing, and utterly diminutive world. The shows range from people fighting on an island, to people fighting in a house, to people fighting at work. As you can tell, the possibilities with Reality TV are endless, which is why there are so many of them on television. There are a few though, that do stand out as the worst Reality TV shows of all time.

Check out the worst reality TV shows after the jump:

Continue reading The Worst Reality TV Shows Ever

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