Dear Penthouse,
I never thought this would happen to me. The other night I was totally wasted at this sweet party (from downing jager-bombs) and every chick there wanted my balls, totally. So next thing I know, it’s the morning and I’m laying on some bed with floral sheets and a teddy bear on the night stand. Then, to my surprise, two totally hot babes walk in and ask me how I’m feeling. I asked them if we had a threesome last night, and they said no, that I had puked on their cat and then passed out in the guest bed. But I don’t believe it, they’re just trying to cover up their reputation. Score!
-Chad The Rad
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Dear Penthouse,
I never thought this would happen to me. I was in Dillards one day, in the shoe section, browsing for some new loafers when the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen walked in. I was dressed nicely, and she mistook me for an employee of the store. I played along, and offered to help her with her shoes. She agreed, and before I knew it, I was slipping a pair of stilettos onto her feet! It was a dream come true, until a manager came over and ask me to leave the store. I tried to play it cool by saying that I, in fact was the manager, but then the woman saw my erection, screamed, and ran out. I still count this as a victory.
-Howard
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Dear Penthouse,
I never thought this would happen to me. I traveled to a kingdom, and ended up marrying the beautiful Queen that ruled there. Turns out, she’s my mom! I’m considering gauging my eyes out, what do you think?
-Oedipus
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Dear Penthouse,
I never thought this would happen to me. I sent my resume and head shot to a casting call recently, and got a part in a film. I showed up for work, and discovered that I was cast as the star of the film! I then spent the next 3 hours banging a gorgeous red-head on camera. She seemed REALLY into it the whole time, moaning and asking for more. Afterword, she got dressed and was going to leave when I asked her if I should at least buy her dinner, but she said no. How awesome is THAT?!
-Rick
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Dear Penthouse,
I never thought this would happen to me. I was online when I found a website that said they could hook me up with girls. I registered an account, and before I knew it, tons of women were sending me chat requests! Soon, I was talking to this bangin’ blonde girl who said she just wished for a man who could support her. I said I was that man, and would love to meet her. She said that in order to meet me, she’d have to fly from Russia, and needed to borrow a little bit of money to make the trip. Not wanting to pass up such a great opportunity, I gave her my credit card information. She was so happy, she said that when she got there we were going to have such a wild time (if you know what I mean). She said she’d contact me soon about the flight information, and that was 5 days ago. She must have forgotten to tell me, being so busy packing! I can’t believe I got so lucky.
-Dave
