Posts tagged sex education

Obama Funds Abstinence Education

Dear President Obama,

It was really awesome a year ago when you decided to cut funding of abstinence-only sex education and instead put that money toward teen-pregnancy prevention. It was definitely a progressive step in integrating the values of waiting till you’re older to have children and the values of teenagers are going to fuck no matter what.

But recently you decided to backtrack and put a whopping $250 million into abstinence-only education.

What exactly is abstinence-only education? Defined by the board of health, it is “teach[ing] that abstinence from sexual activity is the only certain way to avoid out-of-wedlock pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and other associated health problems.”

In other words, children and teenagers are not given any actual information on sex. Just a stern look accompanied with ‘Don’t fucking do it, okay!?’ Also, its a load of bull. Hey it’s great if you don’t want to bone until you’re married, really, it’s completely okay and respectable.  But it’s not everyone’s moral beliefs/cup of tea. The straight up reality is TEENAGERS ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX. It is not that hard to figure out tab A to slot B. The internet itself provides endless resources for how to have sex (and unfortunately not enough resources on how to be smart about it).

By not teaching children about exactly how STDs spread, what condoms are, different forms of birth control (and how some are more safe or more harmful), and how pregnancy actually works, all it is doing is creating a mess of lies and misconceptions. When I was in comprehensive sex-ed in middle school, it did NOT make me want to jump into the sack (as so many pro-abstinence education people believe it does). Learning about the real risks, implications, and necessary precautions that came with sex only made me realize that it was a pretty big deal and I was too young for it.

Knowledge is power, people. By depriving children and teenagers of life-saving information that they so desperately need, you are only creating bigger problems. The more you know, the less likely you are to do something stupid.

In the above linked article, it notes a January 2009 study which found that “religious teens who take virginity pledges are less likely to use condoms or birth control when they become sexually active, and just as likely to have sex before marriage as their peers who didn’t take pledges.”

Why the heck are you pouring money into a system that has no evidence of ever working, Obama? It’s like saying, “well making children eat bananas everyday for lunch will make them forget about sweets and thus end child obesity.”

One good part is, $75 million will be put toward “personal responsibility education” which includes abstinence and contraception teaching. It’s a start, at least.

Yes, children should be encouraged to delay sexual interactions, definitely. But if you haven’t noticed, teenagers aren’t exactly known for doing what they’re told. Preventative measures, people. Do you really want your government restricting life-saving information?

[Resources!]
Planned Parenthood
Sexual Health Network
Go Ask Alice (about safe sex)

Abstinence Only Sex Education

Dear Dr. Sangfroid,

There are quite a few states pushing for or are already enacting Abstinence-Only sex education. Do you think this is a good approach to cutting down on teen pregnancy, sexuality issues, and STDs? I’m concerned that if children are not learning about forms of birth control or how STDs are spread, they’ll grow up to be herpes infested, pregnant, confused adults.

Sincerely,
Mississippi Resident

Dear Mississippi Resident,

Everyone knows that the more knowledge a person has, the more power they have. Which is why evil knowledge, such as science, dinosaurs, and sex is what causes a person to be evil (like Hitler or the gays). The fact of the matter is, if we teach children about sex, all they are going to do is have it. Hormones are a myth. A woman shouldn’t even know that a penis exists until she is married at a proper age (20 if you’re in Mississippi, 13 if you’re in a polygamist cult). If children aren’t taught how sex works, they won’t ever be able to figure out how to have it. People obviously can never adapt or learn new things unless they are explicitly shown, and obviously they will surely never figure out that tab A goes into slot B despite that people and animals have been doing it naturally for thousands of years. Duh!

As for birth control, that is an evil created by pro-abortionists who want to secretly make everyone have an abortion. Did you know that condoms secrete a poison into sperm AKA little babies? And that the birth control pill is a tiny baby-seeking bullet? And that if a woman uses any form of birth control, she will be made infertile and thus useless to men and society forever?

STDs also have no place in sex education. STDs such as herpes and syphilis are viruses that only affect those who are Muslim/Jewish/gay/have sex before marriage. In fact, scientists make you believe that STDs are diseases that can be treated and sometimes cured, but in fact everyone carries all STDs, and they are activated as soon you have premarital sex.

The media is trying to fill the world with lies, saying that places that teach only abstinence have the highest teen pregnancy rates, but that is all lies. It just so happens that Satan’s minions flock to certain states. No correlation, at all, nope!

In conclusion, abstinence-only education is the only way to keep our country pure. Remember on your wedding night, after you have disappointingly short and awkward sex that is followed by years of hating your own body, infidelity in an attempt to seek out enjoyable sex, and horrible communication with your partner, that it was all worth it!

Keepin’ it cool,
Dr. Sangfroid

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