The GOP has recently become very interested in your sex lives, my Texan neighbors.
The Republican party of Texas has voted on a platform that would outlaw the following:
- Anal sex
- Oral sex
- Same-sex marriages
- Strip clubs
That’s right, the GOP of Texas seems to think its totally okay to regulate where your dick goes and where you can look at tits.
I just want to say, WHY STOP THERE, GOP? At the risk of sounding like a dang dirty socialist, we should extend this platform to include the following:
- Sex in the missionary position between the hours of 8pm and 10pm only (no weekends or holidays)
- Long skirts and sweaters for all women at all times
- No lingerie sales, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
- Children under the age of 15 must not see their opposite gender until their 15th birthday, at which point girls can be married off for a dowry.
- Big red “A” tattoos on females who commit adultery. Men do not cheat, they are only seduced.
- Anyone caught with their dick somewhere other than a married, virgin vagina will be burned at the stake.
- Let’s just remove the genitals of anyone after their first 2 kids regardless, okay?
So sleep safe Texas, knowing that at anytime, a lawmaker could be peering through your window, making sure you and your partner aren’t having dirty, nasty consensual sex that goes against the natural ways of the Texas law.
A round-up of this week’s interesting, weird, crazy, strange, sad, awesome, and WTF stories from around the world. [Some of last week's news too!]
- Norway has a ‘Doomsday Seed Vault’ that contains 1/2 million planting seeds. Awesome. [Yahoo News]
- Anti-gay rights senator Roy Ashburn, who has in the past been vehemently outspoken against gay rights, came out as gay. He says he will not be running for re-election. [BBC News]
- Worried about drugs being slipped into your drinks? A company has created a lipgloss that will change colour on your lips when it comes in contact with a spiked drink. The question is, how often are you looking at your own lips? [2LoveMyLips]
- Tina Fey poses for Esquire, refusing the typical ‘sexy’ shoot and opting for a series of pretty funny/sarcastic ‘party girl’ pictures. [Esquire]
- Some Texas textbooks won’t contain Thomas Jefferson anymore…along with the separation of church and state, Darwinism, and other things that could possibly make America liberal. Cause you know when you dislike something in history, you can just ignore it and it’ll go away. [NYTimes]
- A study found that plus-size models in ads just make women feel crappy about themselves. In other news, some people are unhappy with how they look and blame the media. [NYMag]
- Missouri legislators are in talk of a bill that would ask women getting an abortion for their “social, economic, or medical” reason, however they would not be required to answer. The man proposing this idea said it was to gather information on abortions to help lawmakers. [KOAMTV]
- Another woman has been raped by a man posing as a police officer. A reminder: it is perfectly legal and acceptable to ask an officer for his police identification, and to call 911 to ask if the dispatcher if it is a real cop. [Star-Telegram]
- Word on the street is the only thing keeping Tyra Bank’s new season of America’s Next Top Model interesting is the newest judge. If it gets boring, you could always try the drinking game. [TheFrisky]
- The latest version of the health care bill will provide $75 million in sexual education (meaning not abstinence-only). Less babies=less people to give health care too=cheaper health care. Eh? Eh? [SIECUS]
- Not news, but here’s an adorable video about those ‘God Hates Fags’ protesters. [YouTube]