The GOP has recently become very interested in your sex lives, my Texan neighbors.
The Republican party of Texas has voted on a platform that would outlaw the following:
- Anal sex
- Oral sex
- Same-sex marriages
- Pornography
- Strip clubs
That’s right, the GOP of Texas seems to think its totally okay to regulate where your dick goes and where you can look at tits.
I just want to say, WHY STOP THERE, GOP? At the risk of sounding like a dang dirty socialist, we should extend this platform to include the following:
- Sex in the missionary position between the hours of 8pm and 10pm only (no weekends or holidays)
- Long skirts and sweaters for all women at all times
- No lingerie sales, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
- Children under the age of 15 must not see their opposite gender until their 15th birthday, at which point girls can be married off for a dowry.
- Big red “A” tattoos on females who commit adultery. Men do not cheat, they are only seduced.
- Anyone caught with their dick somewhere other than a married, virgin vagina will be burned at the stake.
- Let’s just remove the genitals of anyone after their first 2 kids regardless, okay?
So sleep safe Texas, knowing that at anytime, a lawmaker could be peering through your window, making sure you and your partner aren’t having dirty, nasty consensual sex that goes against the natural ways of the Texas law.
